The Archive
Week 1
Hello again from Deirdre, with my weekly ‘Deirdre’s Diary’, well it’s
meant to be ‘Deirdre’s Weekly Diary Gossip’ but it’s more like ‘Deirdre’s Daily Dreads’.
Where shall I start? Once again I am the station’s receptionist, everyone coming into MAR has to go past me so I miss nothing, and of course, I have to listen (on reception) to the whole station all weekend (heaven forbid), and take calls all day on reception too,
which are meant to be ‘requests and dedications’, but they aren’t. Now this is why it’s called ‘Deirdre’s Daily Dreads’, because the phone never stops complaining, yes even the phone itself, a curly cable, bell, rotary dialer, is getting tired.
Since the new website came about things have gotten worse, a Mr ‘So and So’ last week rings in shouting ‘who is Dicky Dangler?’. It’s disgusting, I work in the local co-op and people at the tills are complaining too, what on earth did Mr and Mrs Dangler have in mind when they christened him Dicky?
Then yesterday that Rodger Dee character plays a song by Kenneth
Williams, something about playing with his ‘chord-wangler’, which I assume is meant to be some form of instrument, I would never dream of going into a music shop and asking for a ‘chord-wangler’. The phone on reception never stopped ringing as a result, even Mr. Sebastian Toombs from the Helen High Waters Fan Club (HHWFC North West Division) rung in, to say he had an entourage of phone calls and emails about this, so much so that the previous Manager of the HHWFC (Roger Summerskill) had to resign with ill health caused by stress and bombardment with emails and complaints. The final straw was when the HHWFC printer in Chorley packed in while it was
printing the JUNE edition of the Merseyland Alternative Radio magazine featuring pin ups of Helen, Grace, Jackie and Barbara, competitions, drama, and Grace’s latest man ventures (every venture always goes wrong because she finds out he’s married, or rather his wife finds out!). Anyway that’s another story, and don’t even start me off with Grace and Farmer Giles on their hot date at his farm! Did Farmer Giles & Grace really not think that his wife would come looking for him when all she could hear were these noises from the haystacks in the cow shed, and they were not cows mooing either.
Since last week I have also had Carlos from Spain ringing in every hour after seeing the latest photo of Helen Highwaters on the new
website, I am finding it hard to cope with him, why can he not take the hint, and now he wants a show on MAR playing ‘Love Songs’ for two hours, heaven forbid, Carlos sounding like Manuel from Fawlty Towers declaring his desire for Helen every 4 minutes, and wanting
to call the show ‘Casualtys and Calamities of Carlos in Love’. Well if he thinks he’s doing a show like that he can clear off!!
Then Saturday evening, the Rodger Dee show again, and now we are
talking 10pm past the Watership, by this time I am utterly exhausted,
trying to make my supper in the MAR kitchen, and I am usually greeted by the loudest angry ‘Meow’ ever, because the MAR pussy, also wants his/her supper at this time in the kitchen. So Mr Dee starts his show, and the first 15 minutes are quite calm with no trauma, then it all starts, the phone, the emails, the texts “Did you hear what that Rodger character just played then?”, or “just said then?”, and “will you kindly get Helen to go into his studio and clout him round both ears LIVE on the air”. I have even had vicars (for example Henry the Hunky Vicar) on the phone telling me he has MAR on the church tannoy as this gets the people coming in (and of course extra pennies on the wooden plate that we pass around). Then Henry starts to scream because Rodger is playing some AC/DC song about Sheep, and Henry can’t climb ladders to turn the tannoy off!!
Between angry wives trying to find where Grace is, and stopping Grace hiding in Rodgers studio, and trying to book events for Rodger and Helen such as Bric a Brac church do’s, or Rodger and Helen opening the latest Anne Winters shop in Liverpool, or train station drivers and guards all wanting Helens autograph, it all becomes just too much.
I am away July 1st, and all I can say is whoever is covering the desk for me at Merseyland Alternative Radio, may the Lord Help them!! Yours,
Deirdre, till next week.
P.S: I’ve left the paper shredder handy for any complaints.
Week 2
Good day to you all from Deirdre, once again I am the young lady on MAR reception, answering the door all day and trying to get rid of onlookers making ‘gestures’ at me while I try and make myself look beautiful using the mirror on my reception desk. Generally I am answering the phone and taking requests, and again have had an awful week, and the heat has not helped. If you think last week was bad, this week was worse and I am now under the doctor, and when I told the surgery about the ‘goings on’ here at MAR they all wanted to give up the surgery and work here. What is wrong with people?
So on the first day of the working week, Monday, and I as usual took Rodger Dee’s coffee and bourbon cream biscuits in to his studio, as Helen at that time was having a shower (not in Rodgers Studio I hasten to add), and what do I find? Rodger is sat there in nothing but his undies because of the heat. I almost spilt his coffee all over the new ‘state of the art’ mixing desk and I had to make a sharp exit, still shaking that bad, with the shock, that I could barely file my nails or do my eyelashes on the reception desk.
Then as if the day could not get any worse, we had ‘Health and Safety’ in to visit, asking questions about hamsters?, and ‘do we have them running around the studios?’. I said ‘No, I have not seen any hamsters’, and they asked ‘well who is Hammie the Hamster?’. This is what I have to deal with. It’s bad enough people knocking on the reception door asking for Dicky Danglers autograph (the son of Mr. and Mrs. Dangler).
The phone has not stopped, I would say for every 10 calls, 4 are requests and 6 are complaints of some sort, and it’s me that has to deal with all of these. Two songs were played yesterday, the ‘naughty version’ of Salt N Pepa ‘Lets Talk About Sex’, with disgusting noises in, Rodger said it was ‘static interference’, he must think I ‘came out the ark’, (truly). Then another song by Black Lace called ‘Agadoo’, but this awful song had a different version, Black Lace and ‘Agadoo Agadoo Lets Have A Screw’, well I nearly died. The phone did not stop, and Maureen from number 37 almost scalded herself on the kettle in her kitchen trying to ‘nose dive’ to the radio to turn it off so I had to console her on the phone for an hour.
Could the day get worse? Yes! Some 80/90s songs then get played, ‘Everybody’s Gonna Have (Sex 2nite) the Christian Edit’, don’t know what was Christian about it? It was disgusting, it was on another show. The phone was rampant, and again people making gestures at the reception door to me, as if it is MY fault. Then just to add stress to lunchtime, a song by ‘LaTour’ called ‘People Are Still Having Sex’ (The mega version). Well that was it, with the heat, the noises in that song, and both Grace and Carlos screaming “Well people might still be having sex, but we ain’t, ever!”, not to mention the phone calls and even more rude gestures at the reception door, I had to close shop and pay my 2nd visit to the doctors in 2 days.
Even the trains were late starting yesterday here at Lime Street, because the drivers, guards & ticket collectors did not want to miss the end of these disgusting songs. Why we have to have the sound effects in them is beyond me.
I am on holiday next week, for a week and I believe either Carlos or Bethany are taking over reception, I hope it is not Carlos as he won’t do any work, he will spend all week trying to ‘woo Helen’, and anyone complaining to Carlos about MAR (which will be non stop again), all they will get out of him is “Que, Que, I know noth-eeng”
Please have a good week and I will tell you all about my holidays next week. Having said that I still have 5 days at MAR this week and will be bringing my smalls and suitcase in to pack etc.
DEIRDRE.
WEEK 3
Hello it’s Deirdre here again, back from my Holiday in Spain, and
without wanting to moan non-stop, it was not the best holiday. I came back full of bites, and it wasn’t from ‘rampant’ men either, and talking of men, the next time I go on holiday, to escape the MAR complaints dept, I am going to wear a large blouse/t-shirt which says “I am not looking for a man, and most men here in Spain have not seen their belly buttons for 25 years anyway”. Why can’t a woman like me, have peace and quiet in a nice hotel enjoying the all inclusive and warmth on my own! I must have that look “I am here looking for a man”. Perhaps Grace should consider going there instead, the whole hotel was full of Carlos’s and Manuel’s.
Anyway, back to reality, one hour into Rodger Dees show today (Monday), I’m already trying to deal with being back in the UK with what I call “people”, and I had annoying gits ringing in asking if they can borrow Rodgers 12 incher, ‘Flashback’ by Imagination, or ‘Drivers Seat’ by Sniff n Tears. Do they think M.A.R. is a record library for rented records, grrrr. One annoying person, shouts thru the door of MAR reception “I see Rodger is playing ‘Ring My Bell’, well he can ‘Ring My Bell’ anytime”. Then Martha from the Co-Op rings in, wanting to go to Australia (‘down under’) now and leave her husband because apparently there are 6ft 4in men down there, with muscles, “6ft 4 and he gave me a bit of his sandwich, and I come from the land of plenty”, what on earth does that Dee character play which starts all these biddys off, what is ‘the land of plenty’ and this bit about his sandwich?. Now she is struggling on the customer service desk of the co-op.
I really wish that Dee character would play music to suit the time of
day. Whenever anyone else is on the Radio I have no problems at all,
the phone will ring with a request or dedication, I write it down, and take it into the studio, but ‘oh no’ not with that Rodger Dee Character. And it gets worse, ‘Minueting Wombles’, from “Wimbledon”, and now kids are in cars asking parents ‘who are these Wombles in Wimbledon, are they the tennis judges or the ball boys?’, unbelievable. If you think your job is bad, think about me, sat on that MAR desk all working day, trying to calm listeners down, and getting abuse at the MAR reception door, people shouting “We are about to Womble to the Wirral Line”.
Then he plays this radio jingle, “It’s time for Rodger Dee, Oh Yes Oh
Yes Oh Yes Oh Yes” in a heavy disgusting breathing voice, I had that
many complaints about that on Monday, you would never get radio sound effects like that on ‘News At Ten’. And the theme on MAR seemed to be mice, yes, mice, complaints about listeners hearing brown mice scratching under their floorboards in the bedroom, a mouse in Old Amsterdam, one annoying person rings in, “does
MAR stand for Mice At Risk”, can you come and sort my ‘meeces’ problem out at home” and then slams the phone down.
And why why do we have to hear songs about John Wayne (J J J J John Wayne with his funny walk). Imagine being stuck in a traffic jam on the M6, which is a constant thing anyway, hearing Wombles, Ring my Bell, John Wayne songs and Mouse songs.
I am seriously thinking of applying to the BBC Radio 3 reception desk
as there is much better class of clientelle.